Not all M&As are alike.

The subject of mergers and acquisitions is a popular one in the business realm as well as at BYU, but not in the way you are thinking. Because BYU is pretty much the Mecca of the LDS dating world, everyone has marriage on the brain, and what better example of mergers and acquisitions than marriage. Many of the same things that cause strife for large companies combining their forces also plague newlyweds and thus we can glean wisdom for life from our study of business.

Some marriages unfortunately are essentially acquisitions where one party absorbs the other and the acquired loses their identity. This is very sad but really does happen; I have seen it myself. However, I have also seen marriages that are very closely resemble mergers where both parties asses their strengths and then adopt the traditions and habits to the advantage of the couple as a single unit. This is the more healthy and desirable of the two.

The article highlights several common sources of conflicts during M&As and as I mentioned before, many of them can also double as conflict for newly- and not-so-newly-weds. As in business, newlyweds must at some point make decisions regarding physical facilities. His place, her place, or new place? Should they try to integrate together or start anew on neutral grounds? Another decision is about business processes and who will have responsibility for it. Both parties have been managing their own financials in their own way. Does he take it over? Is she more detailed in her records? Or do they want to attempt to combine forces and take it on as a team? These are important questions for individuals who are considering taking their relationship to the next level.

Similarly, just as clashing corporate cultures can submarine a successful merger, a couple who neglects to assess their own potential clashing cultures may find themselves on opposites sides of an argument instead of on the same team. For example, in his family, the parents helped the children pay for college and the associated expenses. However, in her family, the kids were pushed to fend for themselves with little or no financial support. Or, her family spends Christmas Eve and the entire Christmas Day with the large extended family, whereas his just immediate family spent a quiet holiday at home alone. Like the Daimler-Chrysler merger, even a merger of apparent equals could go awry without proper discussion and planning.

I would not personally be able to handle a relationship based on a concept of acquisition for either party, i.e. either in he is doing the “acquiring” or he leaves behind his personality and interests for mine. I see a marriage as a merger, in the most idealistic sense of the word. A marriage should be an equal partnership with both parties invested in sacrificing for the other, yet preserving themselves too. However as mentioned above, the couple must also be on the lookout for potential obstacles and plan accordingly. A little discussion now, can prevent a lot of pain now.

*Disclaimer: This is written by an idealistic, never married person. Marrieds, do you have anything to add? Am I completely off base? Post your responses in the comments.